Making the best out of a bad situation. Sounds so simple, right? That whole when life gives you lemons, make Gatorade bullshit. Not that I mean to come across as cynical mind you, I’m merely pointing out that some times its easier said than done. When is it ever easy, you may ask? When you’ve got Star Wars, would be my reply. Now don’t go thinking that I’m your average “Internet Joe” who is currently broadcasting from his parent’s basement while simultaneously debating whether Uhura or Seven of Nine was the greatest space hottie of all time. My name is not Joe, it’s my parent’s attic, not their basement, and clearly Kirstie Alley as a Vulcan was the greatest space hottie of all time. But, I digress.
About five or so years ago, I was in a fairly unhealthy relationship with a chick. Of course at the time, I thought it was grand, but when a relationship is unhealthy, that’s typically how it works. Any way, we had a major blow out one Saturday and I’m talking, like, epic. As with most fights in unhealthy relationships, it was over something ridiculously stupid and quickly turned into a battle of one-upmanship. You know, where you put your foot down, then they put their foot down, so you put your other foot down and they bust out an axe? Yeah, one of those. It was simple: She wanted to buy a rat, I didn’t want her to. Why? Because anyone who has ever owned one will tell you that they may be cute, but they bring with them an unholy smell that would even make Mr. Clean refuse to come out from under the sink. Since we had just spent our life savings on this brand new home, I figured why not preserve it for a few years before investing in a rat. Of course, using logic on a crazy person is generally your first mistake. I said no, so she retaliated by leaving the house in a huff and coming back with a rat. You can likely imagine my irritation, so I chose the only defense that a man in an unhealthy relationship can take: Retreat.
I locked myself in my man cave and plotted how I could go the rest of the day avoiding her while I cooled off. That’s when I saw it: After years of hoping and praying, the Star Wars original trilogy DVD box set had been released and it just so happened that I was storing it in my man cave rather than downstairs with the rest of the DVDs. A brilliant maneuver on my part, I must say. This was perfect! At my fingertips was the very thing I needed in order to pass the time without being forced to leave my room and interact. I started with “A New Hope” and it was glorious, but I was still angry as the credits rolled some two hours later, so I moved on to “Empire.” Empire is my favorite, so I felt happier as the credits rolled and felt ready to go downstairs and make amends… until it occurred to me that I still had “Jedi” left to go and when, oh when, would I ever have the uninterrupted time again to enjoy sweet Star Wars bliss?? But I knew that I needed to make the right decision for my relationship, so against my better judgment… I put in Jedi.
After the holy trilogy had been completed, over seven hours had gone by without a single word spoken to my then girlfriend. It was now after 11:00pm and she had already gone to bed, so apparently cooler heads were going to have to wait to prevail until Sunday. What I find odd about this story, as I tell it now, is that for the life of me I can’t recall what happened on that Sunday. I presume that we made up because we managed to stretch our farce of a relationship out for another year afterwards, but I can’t recall what angle I took in order to seek forgiveness. Oh well, I suppose it doesn’t matter. The moral to the story is that when you have lemons, you don’t always need to feel pressured to make Gatorade. Sometimes all you really need for a clearer head is Star Wars and the Gatorade will make itself… or something like that. In the words of the immortal Eazy-E: “Don’t quote me boy, cuz I ain’t said shit.”
Making the best out of a bad situation. Sounds so simple, right? That whole when life gives you lemons, make Gatorade bullshit. Not that I mean to come across as cynical mind you, I’m merely pointing out that some times its easier said than done. When is it ever easy, you may ask? When you’ve got Star Wars, would be my reply. Now don’t go thinking that I’m your average “Internet Joe” who is currently broadcasting from his parent’s basement while simultaneously debating whether Uhura or Seven of Nine was the greatest space hottie of all time. My name is not Joe, it’s my parent’s attic, not their basement, and clearly Kirstie Alley as a Vulcan was the greatest space hottie of all time. But, I digress.
About five or so years ago, I was in a fairly unhealthy relationship with a chick. Of course at the time, I thought it was grand, but when a relationship is unhealthy, that’s typically how it works. Any way, we had a major blow out one Saturday and I’m talking, like, epic. As with most fights in unhealthy relationships, it was over something ridiculously stupid and quickly turned into a battle of one-upmanship. You know, where you put your foot down, then they put their foot down, so you put your other foot down and they bust out an axe? Yeah, one of those. It was simple: She wanted to buy a rat, I didn’t want her to. Why? Because anyone who has ever owned one will tell you that they may be cute, but they bring with them an unholy smell that would even make Mr. Clean refuse to come out from under the sink. Since we had just spent our life savings on this brand new home, I figured why not preserve it for a few years before investing in a rat. Of course, using logic on a crazy person is generally your first mistake. I said no, so she retaliated by leaving the house in a huff and coming back with a rat. You can likely imagine my irritation, so I chose the only defense that a man in an unhealthy relationship can take: Retreat.
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